The Candy Bar That's Best Served Frozen
On Bubulubus and by Tierra Whack's “Only Child”
Here’s the thing about Bubulubucandy bars: They look like cartoon poop.
That’s true for a lot of chocolate-coated candy bars, I suppose. They’re brown, lumpy, and shaped as though they’ve been squeezed through an anus.
Case in point:
Undeniable turd shape aside, there’s nothing shitty about Bubulubus. (omg i am sorry for that)
Bubulubus are a marshmallow and strawberry candy bar made in Mexico by Ricolino, the same company that makes Kranky (chocolate-covered corn flakes), Paleta Payaso (smiling chocolate-covered marshmallows), and Panditas (panda-shaped gummies).
At room temperature the marshmallow layer is gooey and a little on the spongy side and the strawberry layer is like a very gelatinous jelly. It’s a totally acceptable snack, but it’s a quick eat — it’s four bites of fruity, soft, chocolatey goodness that begins to melt the instant it touches your mouth and the whole thing is gone in 45 seconds or less. In my experience anyway. Maybe my saliva is extra potent? Consider that a brag.
Frozen, the Bubulubu is an entirely different experience.
The thin coating of chocolate becomes flaky and crispy, and the marshmallow takes on a chewy, nougaty quality, like a vanilla Charleston Chew (another candy bar made better by freezing). The strawberry jelly transforms into a more sturdy, gummy-like consistency without getting too hard. I imagine it’s the same texture as the gummy bears the girl on the school bus offered Mr. Rooney in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off — “They've been in my pocket. They're real warm and soft.”
Biting into a frozen Bubulubu is not easy, nor is it recommended. Instead, while the frozen bar is still in the wrapper, give it a good whack against a hard surface so it breaks into smaller pieces. And just like that, you turn one measly candy bar into several bites of taffy with a hearty, long-lasting chew and bright fruit flavor. See? Nothing shitty about that.
“Only Child” by Tierra Whack
How Tierra Whack’s song “Only Child” relates to frozen candy bars is, admittedly, a bit of a stretch.
There are no fewer than onehundredthousandmillion songs about being cold, icy, frozen, etc., but there’s something about Whack that is undeniably cool. That’s especially true in the song “Only Child,” a track that addresses a former partner who is stingy, selfish, helpless, and lying.
Disappointed for the last time, Whack is finally shutting it down. In the pre-chorus she sings, “You must be the only child because you're so stingy / I just wanna go buck wild when you don't defend me / I been on the fuckin' prowl, I been countin' Benjis / You done turned my heart so cold, I should work at Friendly's.”
To make her message even more chilling Whack delivers the lines with unwavering poetic composure. She’s so confident in what she’s saying — and so sure that this asshole needs to be out of her life for good — she knows she doesn’t have to puff up her chest, strain her voice, or make a scene. She can say what needs to be said, calmly, cooly, and without hesitation.
If this song were directed at me I would freeze up like an ice-cold Bubulubu and shamefully shatter into hundreds of chocolate-covered sugar shards upon hearing it. It’s so cold. And Tierra Whack is so cool.
What’s Cooler Than Being Cool?
Bubulubu isn’t the only candy bar that can be transformed by a few hours in the freezer. I asked Snack and Destroy’s followers which treat they like best when frozen and here’s what they said:
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
U-No Bar (they still exist??)
Hershey’s Symphony with Almonds
Peanut Butter M&Ms
York Peppermint Pattie
Missing your favorite? Let us know in the comments.